Glitter, confetti and cake for everyone, for the Bee is back!
Phew, it certainly has been a while, hasn’t it? SO. MUCH. HAPPENED. I don’t even know where to start. Because I could make one gigantic post with everything in it, or I could divide and conquer. So to give myself a little extra work, I am making not one, but TWO POSTS. One here on Novel Ink, the other over at my other blog, Quite The Novel Idea. So go check that out Thursday to find out the bookish side of the past year.
And now I present to you, Bee’s 2018 in pictures.
When I went MIA last year, I was in the middle of moving in with my boyfriend and my second trimester of my pregnancy. That was still easy, all things considered. But in the third trimester, things started to get a little messier. I had to stop my meds because they might be a risk to the baby, but that got me into a very fast downward spiral. Being off my meds in the very hormonal last weeks of my pregnancy was too much for me to handle, so I got back on my meds immediately.
Emma was born 3 weeks early on the 4th of July. Labor was… intense and honestly a bit traumatic. The hospital had no airco, so my room was VERY warm. Being apart from my boyfriend was also very hard, especially because I was in a very emotional state and I missed his hugs and our cuddles in bed. On top of that I had to stay 2 days longer because Emma had jaundice. But how was the motherhood part of story? Well…
Okay, here’s the thing. Motherhood has been hard for me. Very hard. To this day (and she’s 8 months old now) I do not feel like a mom. It still very much feels like a job and some days I need a break. It’s been very intense, mentally speaking. I can handle the lack of sleep, that’s no problem. The thing is, being a Mom is a 24/7 job and it is HARD. Babies are cute, but they’re also very much not communicative and the only language they know is crying. They cannot tell you what’s wrong and in the beginning there is not much response and interaction. I felt very disconnected from Emma. I didn’t get that instant unconditional love. I’ve grown to love her over the past few months, sure. But some days it’s still very hard, because there’s rarely any time for me. There’s a lot of frustration and exhaustion and honestly I can’t wait for the baby fase to be over because I do not like it one bit.
But we all need self-care days and the grandparents have been super helpful. Emma regularly goes on sleep-overs with her grandparents, which is a win-win for everyone. They get to spend private time with her and I get alone time and my boyfriend and I get the chance to be just us again for a bit. Plus sleep. Lots of sleep.
On top of all that I’ve had a lot of family drama that seriously got me down around the holidays. It’s been a tough few months, peoples.
Emma is now 8 months old, she’s perfectly happy and usually a very cheerful baby girl. She’s getting SO. BIG. and she’s teething! For some reason she’s also at war with her bed and refuses to sleep in anything except her stroller. Which she’s almost getting too big for. But just look at that face, it’s too cute. It’s impossible to be angry for a long time. Yes, I get frustrated and exhausted, but her smile just makes everything better. Though she has taken a liking for pulling and grabbing my hair whilst biting my nose. 1/10 do not recommend, it hurts and feels weird at the same time. I sneeze baby spit daily now. And I have war wounds from her nails, which grow so fast I can’t even keep up.
She honestly stole my heart. Yes, it’s hard. But I also know it will get better and I have an amazing group of people around me that is always there to help. And now I’m ready to blog again because I MISSED YOU GUYS. SO MUCH. I hope you haven’t forgotten about me. *cries*