Not So Light Topic… [Please Read Guys <3]

Posted July 6, 2015 by Ink Ladies || 15 Comments

Remembering You

In today’s Thinking Out Loud I will be talking about a hard topic. Suicide. Today marks a year that I lost my cousin, Patrick, due to him taking his own life. He was only 29 years old, which to me is way too young. We found out the day before my birthday, July 8, about my cousin passing away. I remember exactly how I heard. My mom called and I was in American Eagle. I just stared at my sister, ran to my car and just started bawling. He was my sister’s best friend and having to tell her this was one of the hardest things to do in my life. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to go into too much detail about this topic. Yes, it eases the pain just letting everything out, but sometimes things should just be held in. Again, sorry for this ranting/venting session, but it’s totally needed. So thank you so much to all my amazing bookish friends for being so wonderfully amazing 🙂 I truly appreciate it.


Depression and suicide is a thing that people veer away from in the book world. I wish more people would take this subject head on. Yes, it may be difficult to do, but not many people get how much this effects people so sending this out to the amazing bookish community would do wonders.

The reason for me doing this post is to not only remember Patrick, but to show case some books that I feel like showcased depression and/or suicide well…or at least showed some of its sides.


Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher // When I first read this book…ages ago, okay my freshman year in high school, but that was 2008-9, so it feels like years ago…I loved it. But, when I saw some reviews recently (mainly speaking of  Cait’s from Paper Fury). She pointed out that Hannah was kind of a (well more than kind of) bitch. I go back and look at this book and see that she kind of was, she was bullied don’t get me wrong, but she also bullied everyone right back…even worse.

Though, with all of that said, I do think this book showcases suicide and depression well. So many people think that this book, well Hannah, complains just for the hell of it. That is one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to this issue. Just because it doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal to you does not mean it’s not a big deal to them. Depression is much more than what meets the eye. So please, don’t judge just because you wouldn’t react the same way you would have.

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson // As I didn’t enjoy this book very much, many people did. This book has spoken to many people and I feel like it’s done a great job at provoking such a wonderful thing from people. It opened many people’s eyes. Just because someone who was/is popular does not mean they have the luxurious life everyone thinks. This book SPEAKS volumes.

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven // This was one of the first books I read this year and wow, did it make me cry. Jennifer does such a magnificent job at showcasing depression. Finch is such a magnificent person and honestly reminds me a lot about my cousin. He had his awake stages and I feel like my cousin did as well. You could look at him and it would seem as everything would be perfectly fine, but one moment later and everything could be dwindling away.

I know I’m going on and on (and it seems like each of these books kind of does the same thing, but they all do something special in their own way – even if I can’t write (say it) properly).

The Last Time We Say Goodbye by Cynthia Hand // Now this book was so well written. A lot of the book was confusion as to why Lex’s brother killed himself. No one really knew why he did…they looked at him and never saw anything wrong. I think that is one of the most important things to get out of this book. Depression is not something that you see with the naked eye. It is so much more. Like with my cousin, I knew he was upset at times, but I never, ever thought that it would come to the point where he would end his life. Well, really, do any of us think that when we see a loved one upset? Rarely. You see this happening in The Last Time We Say Goodbye and I think it shows a lot.

Alright, I’m done now with my venting session. I mostly just wanted to get everything out since it’s been a year today. If any of you guys have gone through this, please let me know because I’d love to talk to you about it. Even if you haven’t and want to talk just to talk about this topic, I’d love to. Also, just because this is a hard topic don’t hold back in the comments. Thank you guys for listening to me 

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15 responses to “Not So Light Topic… [Please Read Guys <3]

  1. First,
    I want to thank you for writing this. I feel like no one talks about it.
    But let me say why.
    My best friend has depression. We haven’t seen each other in a long time (almost two years) because she’s always busy. But she has depression. (She’s recovering now, thank god.) But she’s my best friend. I have no siblings, so all of my friends are my family. I would jump in front of them to stop a speeding bullet sort of thing. And my best friend was so important. We ranted to each other. Hated the world together. Fangirled together. There is no one like my best friend.
    And, a year ago, I went through shit. I was enrolled in homeschooling, and I felt like crap. Like no one saw me. (Plus, I was on Roleplay on Instagram, and everyone there really wants to just escape life and reality.) It was bad, but it was all like a play. It seemed fake, I guess. And I met some amazing people with depression on Instagram. They were amazing and kind and smart. But depression was a monster that clutched all of them.
    I felt like no one wrote about these people. A good friend of mine cuts. My best friend did. She had panic attacks as well. And she would leap onto chat and talk to me during some. I would frantically try to calm her down. It freaked me out sometimes. And I would start crying. (I’m extremely neurotic. I cry easily. Get pissed easily. Get happy easily. My emotions are a crazy turmoil of everything. You can brush off things that make me cry.)
    I want someone to write out these things. The thoughts on suicide. It’s not connected to me directly, but it still has an effect on me. I don’t know what I would do without my best friend. I might not even realize she’s gone if she was. (It’s hard for us to keep in contact. She has strict parents and a strict schedule.)
    Thank you for writing this.

    There’s another one as well you can put down: ‘Panther’ by David Own. It’s about the effects of depression on your family and friends.

  2. I have been fortunate that suicide hasn’t touched my life directly, but as a teacher I would often hear of former students who had succumbed to the pain. It is something important to talk about and put out there. There is much we cannot do if we don’t see the signs, but making sure those in our life know they are loved and there is hope of brightness to come is crucial in all cases.

  3. This is one of the toughest things to deal with, we lost a dear friend of the families this way and it is still hard to believe almost three years after the fact. All the Bright Places was such a great story, still stands out as one of my top reads for this year and the Cynthia Hand book as well. I should read the others, I’m sure I will love them every bit as much.


  4. It was really cool of you to share your story and these books!! I read a lot of books that deal with tough subjects, and I agree there are not enough that touch on depression. Me Since You by Laura Weiss was a hard one for me to read, but I think showed the realities of depression and it’s effects on families. Hold Still by Nina LaCour is also another of my favorites. And of course, Speak!! I just love that beautiful book!

  5. Oh Erica, I am so, so sorry. My heart is just broken for you and your family. It’s hard to see him as a happy baby, and then think about the sadness later. My heart breaks for Patrick too, because no one should ever have to feel that bad.

    I’ve only read All the Bright Places from your list, but I do intend to read (and I own!) all the others. It’s so, SO important, and should never be glossed over. I have so, so much to say about this, I don’t know where to even begin. I just think it is so beautiful that you were able to honor Patrick this way- I am sure he’d be so, so proud that you were using your platform to share and help others. Okay, I cannot stop crying, so I am going to stop typing for now, but thank you for sharing this, and big, big hugs to you <3

  6. Thanks for writing this. I have to admit here that my own father committed suicide. I was 6, my sister was 4, my brother was 8. He did it on Christmas Eve in 1982. I can’t tell you here in the space allotted how this one choice he made changed my whole life. It is something that changes the lives of those around, there is no going back.. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I am sorry for your loss, your whole family. I hope this post helps someone.

  7. First off, you are AMAZING for writing this & I am so terribly sorry for your loss! It takes so much courage and strength to discuss topics like this to the masses so I’m honored to say that I follow your blog. We live in a VERY small community with only 1 High School that produces about 200 graduates each year. Three months ago our community was hit and hit hard by the tragedy that is suicide. Max was a beautiful, amazing young man who seemed to have it all. As a Sophomore this past year he was captain of the JV Basketball team, played on the Varsity Football and Baseball teams, held a 4.0 GPA in all honors classes, and came from a prominent christian family in our community. I watched him grow up, side by side with my daughter starting from their first day of Kindergarten and they remained in all the same classes throughout the years, constantly competing for that top spot! He was the kind of kid you never saw without a friend or a smile. Yet three months ago, after just turning 16, he took his own life. I have never before felt so powerless to help my own child, her grief and pain and confusion was just gut wrenching to go through. We, as a community shut down for a while in the wake of this tragedy and have only recently begun to heal. More people need to get out there and speak about depression, mental health issues, and suicide, especially to our youth! I think there’s often a misconception that there are clear signs to look for when someone is depressed but that’s not always the case. We need to start discussing these tough subjects with our teens, not only to protect them but also for them to look out for their fellow peers. When they’re little, we discuss all the dangers of strangers, drugs, alcohol, etc. but we leave out what can be most damaging to some and that’s their own mental health!

  8. Erica, hugs <3 I'm so sorry. 🙁 But thank you for talking about it, it does make you feel a little better, doesn't it? But it is definitely an important thing to talk about, because people just…don't. And that's exactly why books and the characters are so, so important. I've read all of them (I read Thirteen Reasons Why back when I was 13/14 so can't remember it properly) but I loved how The Last Time We Say Goodbye showed the after effects of somebody committing suicide, because that's just as important to show too. I am so sorry for you loss. 🙁

  9. I’m so sorry for your loss, Erica! It must be awful, even years later to think about the fact that someone you loved so much just couldn’t face his life anymore, and took the most drastic decision to make his pain stop.

    I have read The Last Time We Say Goodbye, and I cried so hard! I found it to be very well written (and I am very lucky, for me, the only way I’ve had to deal with suicide is through fiction!) plus the different stages of grief and denial made sense to me. I will definitely check out the other books you mentioned as well.

    Books about depression and suicide are definitely important, because they show us that even people who seem to be OK may be very far from it. Thanks for sharing both your personal experience and the books that delve a little deeper into these themes as well.

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